ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
