theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
