I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
