we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Randomize
