Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
We left an ass print on the piano.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
