Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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