I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
