Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
