YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
we're so committed to being not committed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Randomize
