By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Randomize
