Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
