My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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