A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
