Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
