Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
