She announced her abortion via fbk
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
