she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize