I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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