hotel room ftw
dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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