nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
try to milk me bitch
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