So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
