He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
