my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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