Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
