She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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