So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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