she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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