Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
