thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
