Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
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