Where is the hickey?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize