I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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