Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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