Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Drake has all the answers
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Randomize
