I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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