i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
