would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
