i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
