Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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