Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
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