I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
last night I used snow as a chaser
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