I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
