That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
