Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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