and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize