I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
