I CAN MOONWALK!
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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