Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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