Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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