I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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