The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
