I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
