You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I need moral support for this bender
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
