honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
