SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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