man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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