Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
