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he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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