I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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