I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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