Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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