does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
