you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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