Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
