Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
i think im in europe. pls send help
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