Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
