I'd wear matching sweaters with you
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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