omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
