She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
